For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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