We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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