WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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