i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
