If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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