I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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