id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
