I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
