I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
