I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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