I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize