Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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