her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
