I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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