He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
