It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
