I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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