I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
