I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
