I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize