We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
