I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
