i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
