I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
