Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
