is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You did what with his pubic hair?
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