she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
