we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize