oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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