I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
