I want to have your abortion
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
