my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
