ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
