i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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