A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
