is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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