Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
