my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
