not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
