how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
