i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
