if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
