they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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