someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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