I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
