Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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