i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
