I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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