I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
