i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
