Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
