So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
