but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
