He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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