If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
