how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
