he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
