Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
