Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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