Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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