I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
