Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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