how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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