Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
