I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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