he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love you. Go after that dick
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
