Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
