u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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