I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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