she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
