I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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