Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they need to just BURY HIM!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
