I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
