Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
