i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
